My wife’s sister was in town for a visit this past week and stayed at their mother’s apartment. We all got together as family a few times during that week, and occasionally my sister-in-law and I would sip on a little single-malt scotch as family conversations ensued. I mean, Queen Elizabeth II lived to the wonderful age of 96 and had a longstanding love affair with scotch, so it seems as if there is good precedent for the practice.
For those who are interested, we mainly drank Bunnahabhain 18 neat (thanks to John Graham for that recommendation!). On a personal note, I will also drink anything from the Glengoyne distillery, and when looking to drink something on the rocks will happily indulge in a Bruichladdich Classic Laddie (thanks to Tom Cooley for that one!).
At some point our son requested to try a little – yes, he’s of age – and I let him sip some of mine. He’s been around scotch long enough that the smell isn’t completely stomach-churning for him anymore, and he’s even able to take a wee dram and describe it as, “not bad.”
Watching young people interact with alcoholic liquids that could easily be described as vile, nasty and disgusting, reminds me of my youthful days when many of my friends and I were trying to acquire a taste for these “adult” beverages. An acquisition that was made a lot easier by working in The Phyrst for a few years.
Decades ago, I met my future sister-in-law in The Phyrst where we both worked, and then a year or so later she formally introduced me to her sister in that same downtown State College basement bar. I had had an informal introduction a few days earlier, and after that life-changing moment, I requested the formal introduction. We were soon a couple and have been together ever since.
My wife and I have been married for 38 years. We are alike in many ways, but also different in many ways. In fact, some of the differences manifest themselves outwardly enough that it’s not odd for people who know only one of us to remark after meeting the other that they find it interesting that we’re together. And although it’s not an outward personality trait, one of the ways we are different is that my wife does not share my enjoyment of scotch.
But, one of the ways that we are very much alike is a trait that neither of us was aware of when we met, and has to do with some other vile, nasty and disgusting liquids. We do not drink coffee or tea. We never have, and I suspect we never will.
Which is why these reminders of my youthful days when I was trying to acquire a taste for adult beverages are still very much relevant for me. Because I, and my wife, have never acquired those tastes for what we very much consider adult beverages: coffee and tea.
One of the many reasons I enjoy the “Ted Lasso” television series is Ted’s absolute disgust with tea. He describes it thusly, “Tea is horrible. Absolute garbage water. Don’t know why you all do that.” He suggests in one episode that tea must be a British ruse just to get tourists to drink it. He said to his boss, “Be honest with me. It’s a prank, right? The tea? Like when us tourist folks aren’t around, y’all know it tastes like garbage?”
Now, I know that our dislike of coffee and tea could sound odd to you. Especially when two months ago the National Coffee Association released their most recent data trends report that showed coffee consumption in the U.S. is at a 20-year high. The report stated that 67% of American adults had coffee in the past day. That is more than any other beverage, including, if you can believe it, tap or bottled water. And 75% of American adults have had coffee in the past week.
Similarly, the Tea Association of the U.S.A.’s most recent Tea Fact Sheet shows that in 2023, Americans consumed close to 4 billion gallons of tea. Tea is in more than 80% of all U.S. households, and each day some 160 million Americans drink it – more than half the population.
But not my wife and I. We are clearly in the minority.
In our household we do not even own a coffee maker. Most of our family and friends are aware of this predilection, and have found ways to make do when they visit. One friend bought us a plastic single-use device that you set on top of a mug, place a paper filter in, fill it with some type of coffee and pour hot water through it to make a single cup.
However, most of our visiting friends know there is both a Dunkin’ and a Sheetz less than a mile from our house – about a 90-second drive – and get their fix at one of those.
Now, we do have coffee mugs around the house. My wife will use them to drink hot water with lemon, and I’ve been known to have a hot chocolate every year or so. But mainly they take up one shelf in the kitchen cupboard, and get more use when our kids are home.
Because, shock of shocks, both of our kids drink coffee and tea. Now, like many people, they usually drink these vile beverages by mixing them with enough milk, cream, sugar, aspartame or whatever so as to make them palatable. But in the “Where did they get those genes?” questions of life, maybe coffee and tea drinking is not ingrained in our genes – because our kids certainly didn’t get them from us.
Which brings me full circle to a question that has vexed me for years: Why do we humans feel the need to acquire tastes for beverages that are clearly not very tasty? Why do we force ourselves to consume enough of these vile, nasty and disgusting liquids that we either convince ourselves that they’re good, or we don’t hate them enough to not be one of the minority of people who don’t drink them?
I guess I’ll have a nice Bunnahabhain 18 tonight and think about that.
