In September of 2021, my husband, John, had a coronary stent successfully placed in a mostly blocked “widow-maker” artery. Because we were under COVID restrictions, I was not allowed to be with him in the hospital. And since both of our kids were living away from home, this meant I was physically home “alone.”
My parents were concerned that I was by myself, but were no longer driving and couldn’t come to see me. I told them, “I’m never alone.”
Those are not just words I speak. They are my living reality.
Of course, there are times when I’m sad and scared and would rather be with others, and times when I feel lonely. However, I am never alone.
I believe that deep inside my heart is a place that connects me to God, Soul, the Infinite, the Divine, or Love — whatever name resonates with you. This place is always present and never changes. My challenge is remembering that, opening to it, listening, and going forward from there.
In a world where many things are competing for our attention, it’s easy to forget about this place inside.
Sometimes being with others reminds us, sometimes nature does, other times art will. Sometimes it is children.
Last week on our morning walk, two young brothers served as my reminder. The two of them were outside riding their scooters together. They stopped a few driveways from their home and were having a conversation. Next, the older brother started scootering back. This displeased the younger one. I heard a why question yelled in the older brother’s direction to which he answered, “Because you’re not the boss of me!”
The younger brother screamed a few times, gave John and me a small smile with a quiet, “good morning” as we passed by, then got on his scooter and also started towards home.
I said to John, “That is just what I needed to hear.”
On that morning, I was conflicted about a decision I had to make. When I forget to listen to that place inside, I can get caught up in “shoulds,” or paying attention to what I think others want me to do. This older brother reminded me that these outside forces are not the bosses of me!
The boss of me can help guide me every step of the way. As Franciscan monk Richard Rohr wrote: We can trust that we are being guided; in fact, almost everything is seen as guidance. Our ability to trust that there is guidance available allows it to become guidance! Basically, we switch from the fixing, fully understanding, and controlling mode to the trusting, listening, and allowing mode. Then we start allowing the Divine Flow instead of stopping it with a “no” or a question mark.
Although various religious and spiritual traditions hold different views about whether guidance comes from inside or outside of us, most agree that we are not alone. I’m grateful my life experiences keep showing me that on a regular basis.
