The Perceptions of Membership

We had stopped for gas, deep into North Carolina, on our way to Hilton Head Island.  I ran into grab some snacks and when I came out my husband was talking to a young man who was wearing a Penn State sweatshirt and Penn State hat. He told us he was a student at Penn State’s Hazleton campus and was on his way to Florida.  

As we got back in the car, my husband and I remarked how the Penn State connection is so strong. We also noted that if we saw that same person in State College or any of the surrounding areas, we would never have reached out to chat. Pittsburgh or Philadelphia? Maybe. Step outside the Pennsylvania border and suddenly every Nittany Lion alum and student becomes “We are.”

Conversely, the farther out we go from our home base, the less specific our characteristics need to be to feel connected to others. If you’ve ever traveled out of the country, it’s funny when Americans find each other. If you bump into someone from Pennsylvania,  it becomes all about the high fives and making the connection. If you ever actually see someone from your hometown, all sorts of barriers come down.  

It’s human nature to seek to identify with others and make this world somehow smaller for ourselves.

We were in Stone Harbor, New Jersey last month for work. As we were walking to find a place to eat breakfast, we passed by a guy who my husband thought he recognized from State College. As we were sitting in the restaurant, that same guy came in and sat down with his family.  After a while, the woman he was with got up to walk her grandchild around and she walked right by us. On her way back, she said “You are from State College right?”  

It turns out she was just a bit ahead of me in high school, her brother was in the graduating class behind me and our kids had graduated from State High together. We had a lovely conversation about what we’ve been doing since high school and what our kids are up doing. Sadly, if we had actually seen her and her family across the restaurant at the Waffle Shop or at Champs, we would likely have not had that conversation.

Distance can sometimes break down barriers.

It would feel awkward and weird to ask a kid in a Penn State sweatshirt at the Sheetz on North Atherton if he is a Penn State fan. In Fayetteville, North Carolina, it was a conversation starter while away from home.

Our identification, sense of belonging and need to be a part of a group goes with us wherever we go.

Making connections helps us connect to our new location and enriches our experience.  We reach other to others to stave off loneliness and isolation. We seek community in our new community.

I have written on these pages in the past of my newly found community at the PYP Studio in State College. I go there for yoga and the mindful experience that the instructors provide but I also go for the shared time with others. I got to Hilton Head last week for vacation and was there for about an hour before I started seeking out my yoga spot. Sure enough, at the first class, I was welcomed, called by name and told that they look forward to seeing me while I’m visiting. Seeking connection. Seeking community. My husband laughed and said “That happens on most golf courses too.” People sharing an interest in an activity but also looking for like-minded people to share some time with — regardless of the location.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could somehow do that “reach out to strangers” in our hometowns too? Start conversations with strangers.  Seek out what we have in common.  Talk about our similarities and what links us to each other? Wouldn’t it be nice if we opened ourselves to learning about others and who they are and how we can connect even in our home towns?

Regardless of where we go, we seek connections to others.  It brings us a sense of home.