The Message Board Field Guide of Species

Across the past two decades, perhaps the biggest development for sports fans has been the growth of message board culture giving fans a place to connect across vast distances.  

As a coach, we were disciplined in making a point to avoid the discussions on those boards as much as possible.

Since being out of coaching, I occasionally read message board/internet comments — mostly to see what Red Sox fans think will solve all the team’s problems.

I’ve noticed there are distinct species of fans posting on these boards. Any time you first enter the jungle that is your favorite team’s message board, it’s a good idea to have a guide. It is a wild place with no rules about being truthful or defamatory. 

Also keep in mind the sampling of opinions is neither scientific nor entirely representative of the true opinion breakdowns of a team’s total fan base. These skew negative as the people most likely to post are the least happy. This becomes their place to gripe. 

With that in mind as you board your jeep into this jungle, take this field guide to help you recognize the different species you’ll see. Be forewarned: It can get nasty. Most times it’s best to stay quiet and keep your hands inside the jeep. 

For new visitors, any post you make alerts hostile posters to your presence. They will charge you. Until you get your footing and understand the laws of the jungle you may want to stay in your jeep and not attract any attention. 

That being said here is your field guide to the major species:

1. The Dim-Witted Trollers: They are anti-everything. If the coach cured cancer they would complain.  These are generally bitter people, posting on the boards at all hours. FBI profilers guess that they are spending a lot of company time with the board up on their screen. One other important note—these Trollers are often fans of your team’s rivals coming into your team’s site to stir up trouble. They thrive on negative feedback.

2. The Nostalgic Piners: This group always pines for a coach or player that left for another team or in the case of college sports for a pro job. Your team was like a girlfriend with a decent apartment and a steady paycheck; a place to crash while he looked for something better—he did the dishes and helped with odd jobs around the apartment but when he found a better girl with a house and maybe even a pool he left you. Unable to see they were getting used, the Piners long for that coach and try to guess what they could have done to make him stay.

3. The Pop-Ups: These posters pop up seemingly from nowhere and are often focused on a single-issue agenda. The Pop-Ups have been silently reading and observing message board behavior but finally something caused them to jump out of the bushes and speak up. They are generally recognized as being new and are beaten down by the veteran posters in an avalanche of negative comments.

4. The Wanna-Be Coaches: They post images with plays from games and maybe even diagram them. They use stats and some buzz word like “hot routes” they learned while watching TV to appear authoritative.

5. Astro-Turfers: They show up when a new coach arrives and enthusiastically support all the new staff does. They’re also the first to rebuke complaining fans when the new awesome expectations are not met. They’re called “Turfers” because they’re faking a grass roots movement. Many are actually “social media interns” working directly for the team. Their message always mirrors the team’s party line. They’ve also been spotted on rival team’s message boards to spread negative rumors and stories to damage a rival team’s recruiting.

6. Cheerleaders: They’d support the team if Saddam Hussein coached them. Look for phrases like “we just need to support the guys on the team” or “it’s about the kids on the team”. But unlike “Astro-Turfers” they’re expressing what they really feel in their heart.

7. The Peacemakers: They want everyone to get along. They get brow-beaten on a regular basis. Enough said.

8. The Instigators: They post the most inflammatory stuff to stir up trouble. You want to drive these guys nuts? Ignore them. Their live on conflict, often bragging how they shut down someone on the message board.

9. The Insider Guy: They have “insiders” everywhere. They know who is injured, they know who is starting, they know what the back-up kicker ate for dinner last Tuesday.

These are the main species of posters you will see on your message board safari. Can it be a negative place? Yes. But any fan or coach that ventures into that world should remember these fans have intense interest in their team. They buy tickets, they cheer on game day and they are the people who help give sports the out-sized emphasis it has in society. 

For better or worse they’re not going anywhere so it best to heed the advice about publicity. First ignore it. If you can’t ignore it understand the old adage “Publicity is like poison, it will only hurt you if you swallow it.”