What is wrong with people?
A news story out of New York City reports that a homeless man was stabbed as he came to the rescue of a woman who was being assaulted. In his efforts to help a stranger, he was stabbed in the arms and chest. As he lay bleeding on the street, up to 25 people walked by and did little or nothing to help him. He eventually died on the sidewalk.
This story is reminiscent of the famous 1964 Kitty Genovese incident in which a young woman was raped and murdered and up to 38 people allegedly heard or witnessed the attack but did nothing. That crime became a case study in how humans respond or don’t respond when we are in groups.
When our thoughts, behaviors or feelings are impacted by the actions of others, it is called social influence. Social influence is a factor in individual decision making.
In instances like the situation with the homeless man and with Kitty Genovese, researchers theorize that there are many factors that play into whether we will make the decision to go along or to stand away from the group and act on our own. The number of people in the group, our perception of why others are or are not responding, the perceived risks in standing up and the power of others in the group, to name just a few, all influence our decision to either go along or take a stand.
It reminds me of cartoons I watched when I was younger. Fred Flinstone would be wrestling with some moral decision and suddenly a little imaginary ‘bad Fred’ would appear over one shoulder, encouraging Fred to make the immoral choice. Over the other shoulder would be ‘good Fred’ reminding him of his values and his family and doing the right thing. Of course it wouldn’t be a cartoon if Fred didn’t dabble with the immoral choice for a little while and suffer a few consequences before eventually making the right decision.
The State College community has seen a lot of incidents lately where social influence won out over individual decision making. The recent hazing incident is a great example. Individual members of fraternities and sororities know that hazing is wrong. It is highly unlikely that any of them would ask someone to do something embarrassing or potentially life threatening without the crowd behind them. In the group, mob mentality takes over and the fear of taking a stand and facing rejection or other repercussions keeps the individual silent.
It is social influence that we hope our kids can stand up to when we send them out of the house to interact with the world. We hope, when faced with the tough decisions, that they will do the right thing. We hope they can stand up to social influence (a.k.a. peer pressure) and not just go along with the crowd. When their friends are teasing a weaker kid. The first time that they are offered alcohol or drugs. When they are asked to do something that they know goes against family values or when no one is doing anything to help someone else. By role modeling behaviors at home, we hope they can learn that doing the right thing isn’t that difficult.
I remember a trip to Hershey Park when my kids were little. Hershey Park in the last week of August, when the Harrisburg and Philly school districts have already gone back to school, has become a tradition for me and some of my friends and their kids. No crowds or lines for the rides. We were walking with our kids from one ride to another when we saw a little boy clearly in distress – lost from his family. I can only describe his behavior as animalistic. He was very, very afraid and no one was helping him. People were staring at his screaming and thrashing but no one was doing anything to help him. You could almost see the hesitation on the faces of the other moms in the crowd as they weighed the decision to get involved or not. All I could think about was what I would want someone to do if it were one of my kids. I walked over, crouched down to his level and said ‘Can I help you find your Mom?’ Through the tears and the yelling, I was able to discern a ‘yes.’ We found a security guard and were able to put the wheels in motion to reunite him with his family.
What was so hard about that? It was risky in terms of sticking my nose into someone else’s business, of reading the situation wrong or of using up some of my time in the park but ultimately worth it.
In situations like that one, our brains quickly review all the potential outcomes and based on our personality, our experience, the risks, etc. we react or don’t react. In this instance, the benefits of helping outweighed those of walking away. Sometimes those benefits are too risky.
How ironic is it that a homeless man weighed the risk-benefits in helping another human being and ended up losing his life because no one else would do the same for him?
As the ‘invisible Mom’ in the carpool with my kid and some friends, the teen conversation came around to a girl who had apparently pooped her pants in school at some point in their middle school career. They were laughing and talking about how she reportedly just sat there and the teacher had to order her to go to the nurse and then put her chair out in the hallway. I was just about to redirect the conversation when my son spoke up and said ‘What if she was sick and couldn’t help it?’ More guffawing and jokes from the kids and again my kid says, ‘Seriously, what if she couldn’t help it? She was probably really embarrassed.’ After a brief pause, the conversation went on to something else.
He most likely didn’t change the perceptions of his friends about that poor child (who will likely always be known as the girl who had an accident in school) but he did demonstrate that he has the ‘muscles’ that are needed when taking a stand. Little lessons that turn into bigger lessons and help us develop the skills to do the right thing. I couldn’t have been more proud.
While the facts in the Kitty Genovese murder were later determined to be exaggerated, the case of the homeless man was not. None of the bystanders are responsible for his death but their collective inaction is hard to understand.
How do we influence people to do the right thing?
